2 Years in Wonderland was a waste of man hours in one's lifetime.

Have you ever felt like you wasted two years?

i did feel like i wasted 2 whole good year learning and unlearning.

2years under 6 Master.

Today i felt like i was indeed just another brick in the wall.

2 years of being soaked for that perfect cake

2 years for that perfect wine

2 years for the sweet bloom

and i really did not know -Judas betray

And i felt what the 'He' would have felt.

Was there an objective

was there a strategy

was there too many politics to undervalue morality

was there no such thing as such for being mere mortal to be combated

'feels like a bad romance'

good as dead and gone -

Never felt like a disco dancer,

and i didn't have to ask Mithun, how to be one.

just as good as it gets

but! i didn't get anything out of that investment.

As i look through that book, '101 ways to kill your soul' 

i did come across many way that i wanted to suggest to you.

i hope you like what i have selected.

if you only have any soul left in your life.

off  Mahabharata and 'Das Capital'

beyond Gandhi's experiments with truth,

there was nothing but a printed page between truth and dare.

i did tolerate your bad breath that fouled the class room air,

many arty doodle worth class hours spent between the rain.

nothing like that free tea i was asked to pay for

i did but! not felt like pumping a magazine full of  lead.

i am just trying to forget

and you are not helping much.

what if life was nothing worth fighting for

Life is sometimes very strange  -

like an endless rope ,

and you pull  hard at the end of the line -

some times it drag -other times , 

not
i had to stop wondering so much to show productivity forced upon my throat,
i whispered into my own ears and told myself ' You are but! a man , be a man ...'

and felt like a Chauvanist Roman watching the Gladiator kill them self just to entertain
and yet feeling
so much more inspire after each slave took their turn to kill each other

Life as we might call it - have a very
limited choice ,

call it a race to end ,
which end using what medium is not more than what i am so much concerned about,
even then you would not want to ask me why i would stretch so much more than just kill my thoughts.

All the time,
time flys and you don't know where they fly to -

they must have flown somewhere for a nice holiday where time were not valued much more than just a numbers to track where Sun is suppose to be located right .

nothing is strange when you felt death,
and you've slept with two in toe and flirted with third.

i thought that sub conciousness would last forever,

just that there are no right time to wake up nor any given time is so much more than just right.

Unless you've lived the living death out of life and wanted nothing but a rebuked immortality for breakfast.
its fattening she told me ,
i knew she was just lying , but! deep down i knew that battered with time and again - she had more butter than the factory could think about who consumed what!! it's just a matter of policy and politics written widely  on  Mahim's wall discoloured with pan stains,
as if pan stain were the most lethal weapons to the vandals .

And you never told be how much i never understood ,
so, it would not matter much more than just another lunch box taken and not filled .

as if you would wonder so much about who were just virgins and who were just itiching to loose what they never had .

Death like nothing  is more mystical than framed hope, just as much a hopes were born

within the realms of an unlimited validity wombs kicking

their way out of it and not bother about what else were produced to re-gain where?

it is little more practical and instinctive to have an active sound alerts, where your hearing aid battery ran out of juice that you would otherwise have used to fill up what sewage department have just emptied, as if you contributed heavily to the growth of nothing .

if growth were to be watered why would 'sleep' be driven with a bottle of water ?

much of nothing to be bothered so much about ...

How to say ‘Good Bye!’

If you can teach me how to say good bye..

Would I be the most learned one, or the heartless?

If you know, that you were leaving,never coming back

will you take that pain to say good bye!

Or just walk out on me and never look back.

For I have not met any dearer one, who did say good bye! And made peace within themselves

I have not tried it on myself to relief myself of that,

If I could ask you, it would only be a question and not minutes longer for you to live.

I am yet to harmonize myself to that perfect note

I did think I was practicing, where I had not volunteered to participate

Upon us all it is bestowed that pain, spineless pain that is so privately confined,

No an ounce of drugs had a cure for. Would it be justified to say ‘I’ve bleed to be fertile ‘

Embedded deep within ourselves, deep within always to return, like it’s an addiction

That can never be rehabilitated with any religious cure one too many priest could summon

You walked out on me, maybe with acceptance, I believed so

But! I am yet to arrive to that end and how it all end in the end.

I may never know how, and I never wanted to know how  

Am I to mourn for eternity even though I knew you’ve move on,

But! This is not even an attempt to communicate

When the world is colonized slowly and gently

There is no humor left when life is but cleft

Its hard and I cannot tell you how . 

One Troubled night-

Last night - i had a grand plan on sleeping early and doing nothing but! spending a lot more time in Dreamland.
But! Zero Hour isn't so much fun.
just when my eyes were close and deeply falling into the horizon, i was woken up by this thud on the door - i thought bomb exploded. (well! in Lamphelpat, Manipur - it is normal to think or perceive every 2nd 'THUD!" sound to be a bomb blast.)
well! it was nothing but just another happily married neighbor fighting and raking up issues.
They were fighting over an issue, i did not clearly fathom. Wife not opening door, husband calling up son's mobile and well! host of door kicking action on the roll.
After a while, Land lord coming and trying to cool down the mad drunk husband. I thought this was going to be one ugly night, with police being suggested to be brought in if this Drunken King Kong would stop kicking and leave somewhere else.
By this hour i was half awake and half dead sleep - i prefer to be dead and waking up fresh, but! this isn't my night.
Had a horrible morning- even thought the Mahabharata stopped after some long un-recorded hours.
What a morning!!
Bottom line! Guys! stop fighting - even if you want to - hold it till the sun come up bright and sunny.

Oh! i forgot to mention - yesterday, while on a night ride- i spotted another couple, fighting- husband was riding bike with their kid sitting on the tank, wife must have been super pissed- she made face and even acted as if she was about to bomb husband's head through the helmet.

14th Feb coming - good time to clear the air by fighting early and pacifying quickly by 13th .

Cyst in eye cyst in eye what colour did you see?

had a big cyst formed in my eye - i tried
Albucid 10%
i-lube
and many eye drop any company can possibly make
went to Karuna Hospital, all fused to hear a doctor suggest that i do more hot flush
phew!
One eye rabid for the past 1 1/2 week running.
Nothing fun in being super hygiene.
After all - i still have to see the world.

can i write the future.

off-course i can - provided certain Daruwalla certify it worthy of the practicums.
i will soon feel like having MM Lassi in Malad West Station with a spoon full of mallai.
bloody cost 21 rupees now. inflation shot up-
ah! a bucket of KFC with Maneeca would be nice.
Or host of dirty unhealthy American junk food in and around - well! this is suppose to be the prediction of what to come but! i guess , it will not happen.
since i am too hungry to even think to trance and come up with,
you even though i will?
-------back home politicians are hungry , the people of Manipur are hungry - Church is hungry - my soul is hungry - the faithfuls in NSE, BSE are hungry - gujju bhai in Seth DM hostel are hungry lot, 2 AM in the morning they can get up, phat se! and talk about up/down Stock market.
One girl is hungry - Pamela is hungry too , she got her birth right to be hungry.
i have deadlines to meet - unless i live to - and my thoughts are way beyond that-
Limited amount of funds to run my household.
And a very important proposal to complete.

Diwali Aftermath

4x4 enclosure - on a self exile
trying to write about what i never knew about - what i really didn't
- i thought i would be easier if i just run away - far away -
will it solve the problems? not really! it will not - so i had to sit down and thin k and think what could possibly be the most suitable apple to bite on , perhaps the bitter vermouth too close to comfort.
Taming a viral fever is little less complicated- i just have to push my limits , to sweat more, but! who is doing the laundry?
The whole week before diwali i thought i wanted to have the dirtiest-carbohyd'ed Toxic killer food and probably die while chewing that food - but! there are no such thing as food that kills unless u add poison. i dare not chew poison.
And i am forced to admire those who went and tested Mr.Obama's food before he ate it, and one woman was fuming that this sort of practice should stop and expert and not doctors should do this one.
In school we used to have a lazy doctor who would not even test/taste the mess food, to certify it plate worthy for the boys - but! just stare at them, as if she was to die is she did touch it. Well! she was actually too busy doing all the work at so little time. Well! if food was bad we had food war. i Crowned myself the best at rice ball throwing , i would launch a big one from out table to the far corners of the Mess Hall.

Hmm! maybe i am hungry - been living on biscuits for a day and 2 now. not really! maggi multi grain did some less trick.
Just! waiting for november to end slowly -

Monsoon too Soon

yes! Humidity has no humanity
i know! clothes not drying and all dry are no more dry.
We need General Dryer. at least it dry.
And the next thing would be termite and fungus scattered on my wall.
Gosh! i am going to spray them giddy up with Coke.
Makes me less vulnerable under the chemical guise.

On the brighter side - there was no brightness. Sad!

head is so filled with History.

Zamorin of calicut- ah! Marxism - Orientalism - Post Colonial thoughts runing inside my head banging left and right like a bad pill, Too much of activity forced me to be a cloned hyper active. What to do - library is not so much of a sleeping environment-many many life a dreamles sleep i had in library. Waking up to the closing bell. ah! how nostaligic Xavier's ka refrence being the best to cool your aching thoughts and neurons. Un necesary journals and refrence pile up to hide my activity. Constantly the library incharge would bark at those who are in for a gossip- noisy gossip. How i blessed this guy- he made sure the room is quite and Silent, fitful environment to read and sleep. Ah! many love story began and end here, many adventure and sweet nothing, hahahha!! i am not going to romanticise the dingy dirty fungus infested library. I am only Historicising the 4X4 room - all patrons forgive me. oh! Socio dept library got little too much privacy for the romancing socio students. Ofcourse at a premium of being a volunteer to be the care taker. Hahaha!!
Now! in Mumbai Univ. JN Lib love did prevail - the love of book is one common universal school of thoughts. Finding a perfect date spot in the reading room= an hours of un disturbed romantic moment. How enchanting!! library romances are not recomended as long as you did stick to loving the BOOKS and not the opposite sex. Phew! need write more.

Elements that made me far off the surreal gate

i cannot call it addiction because it is nothing beyond that realms
i cannot call it i habitation because i neither have to goryfy the bloodles bloodshed
i guess truth died then and falsifity lived underneath that fear
words were flying in CAPS hitting hard on my face
fear and the fear of having a relapse
i met too many theorist who propounded my theory
i cannot protest nor gather any moss beyond that thoughts
i call them thoughts to hide their originality from what was broad and seen
i cannot tell you the truth nor i fear the worst still- in my senile sense i dug deep too deep
before that thought will run dry in Sahara- i cast that thought riding my head
Please leave me some morsel - i am far too helples-did u kill education or did u murder the values. which ever way is a crime u choose to commit
i cannot tell you how much it hurt- i worshipped you in the temple of the virgin
Yes! i cannot tell you how much too many should die- just because you faked.
i cannot!! beyond that can and Not bridge that gap i will try to mind it
i cannot tell you how unliving you have made of yourself
i cannot keep dragging the corpse- they haunts my evil sense
i cannot tell you too many truth you cannot handle
i cannot tell you too many fact beyond what you could chew.